Roast to the Heat

The only way to feel better after watching this team fall out of a playoff position tonight is to laugh about it. So I propose a roast towards your Miami Heat. I welcome the blog comedians to take their shots at their team and players in a fun/ribbing way as a way to vent our frustration and move forward... not in an annoying trolling kind of way, just as therapy... take your cheap shots and get it out of your system. I will get us started:

Carlos Arroyo...

The only time he showed his teeth on defense this year he was resisting arrest.

Udonis Haslem...

The only guy on the team that wears protective gear for his mouth... puts up average numbers, but is deemed by the club to be untouchable... people always say he is "willing to do the dirty work"... does he give great blowies or am I missing something?

Joel Anthony

His name is JOE - ELLE, which might explain his Jekyll and Hyde nature. Joe is a grown man who rejects anybody that dares come into the lane, and Elle is a little girl that is learning to catch the ball and make a lay up.

Dwyane Wade

He gets the award for the most retarded first name misspelling. I am all for creative ways to spell a common name, but the "y" ahead of the "a" in Dwayne? Have any of you ever stared at it and tried to pronounce it? Seriously just stop and look at his name for a while and it will confuse the hell out of you. No wonder he had academic problems growing up. It isn't your fault Dw-Yane!

Michael Beasley

Trash talking is not his thing. He says we shouldn't have any trouble beating Charlotte and they trounce us. He says that the team isn't a bunch of Tito Jackson's and they lose 4 straight. If he says one more thing this season, we miss the playoffs.

Mario Chalmers

When asked to compare himself to players past and present he mentioned Gary Payton, Chris Paul and Gilbert Arenas... that IS the punch line.

Pat Riley

The definition of a winner. He won't stand for losing. If he can't win, he quits.

Erik Spoelstra

The only guy who smokes more pot than Michael Beasley. Don't believe me? The guy grew up in Portland and plays Tupac during practice. Still don't believe me? Read the Energy Bus...

1) You're the Driver of the Bus.

2) Desire, Vision and Focus move your bus in the right direction.

3) Fuel your Ride with Positive Energy.

4) Invite People on Your Bus and Share your Vision for the Road Ahead.

5) Don't Waste Your Energy on those who don't get on your Bus.

6) Post a Sign That say "No Energy Vampires Allowed" on your Bus.

7) Enthusiasm attracts more Passangers and Energizes them during the Ride.

8) Love your Passengers.

9) Drive with Purpose.

10) Have Fun and Enjoy The Ride.

That's all I have, it is now past midnight and it is officially my birthday. Still feeling bummed out about the Heat. I hope they finish strong and more importantly, I hope they have a great off-season.